I don't want to love you but I do
by Romanaa
Summary: Okay so I just had to do this because of how much I LOVE Jyder. I'm sorry if its really crap and makes no sense but still its Jyder right? Rating may change as the story progresses but starting it as T just to be safe because of swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N;**** Okay so I really ship Jyder so I just couldn't stop myself from writing this. I have just fallen completely in love with Ryder and to be honest with Jake too but I love Ryder more. I really just couldn't stop myself from writing this like I said. I am not really sure where it will go but let's just see eh? I apologise if any of the characters seem a little out of character. I don't mean for them to be too out of character. And I ended up starting this story after 'Dynamic Duets' so that is why the New Directions still have the choir room and just so it doesn't get confusing, I am just going to keep it that way.**

Jake walked through the McKinley corridors, he was headed toward the library and walked past the choir room and saw Ryder in there. He seemed to be annoyed at something. Jake walked into the room and saw that Ryder had papers all over the piano and was just staring at them all.  
"Dude, you alright? You seem kinda…..lost" Jake said to him as he walked over to him.  
Ryder just looked up at him "It's just this stupid English. I can't do it. I've got to read this paragraph and then answer the questions about it but….I can't"  
Jake just smiled slightly "Want me to help you?"  
"Why would you help me though?" Ryder said to him.  
"Because you're my boy and I've got you're back remember?" Jake smiled at him.  
Ryder just smiled back at him in thanks. The two of them just stared at each other for a few moments before they heard someone walk into the choir room.  
Jake turned around and smiled as he saw Marley.  
"Hey guys, what you doing?" Marley asked.  
"I was just telling Ryder that I'd help him with his English." Jake said to Marley.  
"You're doing that here? And right now?" Marley asked.  
"Does it matter if we are?" Ryder asked her.  
"Just because Glee is in about 5 minutes guys" Marley told them. "Couldn't you just do it later? Like after school?"  
"Yeah we'll do it after school" Jake said as he then turned to look at Ryder "My place after school?"  
Ryder just nodded and smiled "Yeah that's great" he said as he then put all the paper back into his bag and took a seat at the back of the choir room. Jake then took a seat next to Ryder and Marley sat next to Jake. Whilst the New Directions piled into the choir room, Ryder found himself glancing at Jake every so often. He just couldn't keep his eyes off him. Not that he wanted to though. He just found Jake Puckerman absolutely gorgeous and he couldn't stop himself from falling in love with him.

"Okay guys. What I would like us to do today is to find a song that you feel expresses your feelings toward a certain person. You don't have to say who the song is dedicated to but I want you to sing it as if you are singing it to the person." Finn said to the New Directions. "Yes Brittany" he smiled as Brittany's hand shot up.  
"Does it have to be a love song? Because I don't think I would feel comfortable lying to everyone and pretending that I love someone in this room because I don't love anyone but Santana. We might have gone on a break or whatever she calls it, but I don't want to serenade someone I don't love with love songs. It wouldn't be fair to her. I might be a lot of things, like stupid, but I am not a liar" Brittany said.  
"No, it doesn't have to be a love song. It can be a song that is about a great friendship if you want it to be" Finn said with a smile which then seemed to make Brittany a lot happier.  
"So, has anyone got a song already in mind that they want to sing to someone?" he asked as he looked at all of the students.  
Ryder stood up "I have a song which I want to sing to someone." He said and when Finn gestured for him to come to the front he smiled slightly and walked to the front.  
"I won't say who the song is for but I think the lyrics just really say what I feel about the person" Ryder said.

_Hearts break too fast when they're sentimental. Won't stay, won't last when its love at first sight. So why are my convictions blinded by your spot light? Can't breathe, can't sleep need some medication. I've kissed goodbye to my reservations. I know there's all the fish in the sea, not for me I want you._

_If I can't have you then I don't want anyone.  
If I can't have you then all the damage has been done.  
Baby, we can break these rules if you wanna have some fun.  
Think of all the love that you will lose if I can't have you.  
If I can't have you.  
If I can't have you.  
If I can't have you._

_Heartbeat, cold sweat, thoughts slipping under. Can't fight no threat cuz there's just no use.  
One look, no hesitation I'm slipping into you. Forgive these eyes, these lips you're tasting. No time to waste on an invitation. My shame, my self control has suffered enough and everybody wants to be loved._

_If I can't have you then I don't want anyone.  
If I can't have you then all the damage has been done.  
Baby, we can break these rules if you wanna have some fun.  
Think of all the love that you will lose if I can't have you.  
If I can't have you.  
If I can't have you.  
If I can't have you._

_I haven't seen the best that love has had to offer. They say perfection's always right around the corner, could be true. But if I can't have you._

_If I can't have you then I don't want anyone.  
If I can't have you then all the damage has been done.  
Baby, we can break these rules if you wanna have some fun.  
Think of all the love that you will lose if I can't have you.  
If I can't have you.  
If I can't have you.  
If I can't have you._

After he had finished the song a single tear rolled down Ryder's cheek. He wished he had the courage to just say who the song was dedicated to but he couldn't face Jake saying anything about it. He knew that Jake probably didn't love him back and that was the reason behind the single tear that rolled down his face.  
Seeing the tear, Sugar seemed rather upset and stood up and hugged him. Rory then just glared at Ryder. He had only come back from Ireland a few days ago and already had to deal with Sugar being suspiciously closer to Artie. After a few moments she pulled away from the hug that she had given Ryder and sat back down next to Rory and placed her hand on his leg.

Ryder then went to sit back down next to Jake.  
"That was great Ryder. That's what I mean guys. I want you to sing it with all the passion you can" Finn smiled as Ryder sat down.  
Kitty then turned around and flashed Ryder a smile "Wait for me outside the choir room after Glee club" she whispered to him and then turned back to face the front.  
Ryder was confused, why would Kitty want him to meet her after Glee club?

After Glee club Ryder walked out the choir room with Marley and Jake. As soon as he stepped out of the door, Kitty took his hand "I need to talk to Ryder without you two listening in to the conversation" she said as she then pulled Ryder away from Marley and Jake.  
"What was that about?" Marley asked Jake looking confused.  
"Don't ask me" Jake said in answer looking equally confused.  
Kitty pulled Ryder down the corridor and turned the corner before she pulled him towards her and kissed him. Ryder pushed her away almost instantly "Kitty, what are you doing?" he asked her.  
Kitty just smiled "Oh come on, I know you sang that song about me and you are kind of hot so I thought I would see how things went between us" she said flirtatiously.  
Ryder just stared at her. She thought the song was about her? Should he tell her that it was or not? He definitely didn't want to tell her who the song was really dedicated to.  
"Kitty it wasn't about you. Why would you think it was?" Ryder said to her with a confused look on his face.  
"Who was it about then? Is it Marley? It is isn't it?" Kitty said folding her arms across her chest. Ryder just shook his head "No it wasn't about Marley either." He said to her.  
This just made Kitty very confused "Well who then? If it wasn't for me or for Marley then who was it for? Was it for Sugar? Oh my God. It was Sugar. I mean she did hug you afterwards" Kitty smiled before she just walked off. Ryder couldn't be bothered to go after Kitty and tell her it wasn't Sugar because then Kitty would make him tell her who it was and he didn't want to say that it was for Jake, so he decided to just let her think that it was for Sugar.

Ryder walked back around the corner and bumped into Rory.  
"I heard you and Kitty talking" Rory said to him "You might like Sugar but you can't have her. She's mine and I'm not letting you take her away from me"  
Ryder just sighed "I don't like Sugar. I just let Kitty think that I did because I don't want anyone knowing who it is I do like just yet" Ryder said to him.  
Rory didn't seem convinced "Whatever you say. Just stay away from my girl or you will be sorry." He said before walking off.  
Ryder just watched him leave and then looked to the floor. What if Kitty told everyone that he liked Sugar? Why couldn't he just admit that he was in love with Jake? What was he so scared of? If Jake didn't feel the same he would still be his friend. He needed to tell someone. But who could he tell? It then hit him. He could tell Finn, because he felt that he could trust Finn.

Ryder walked into the choir room and smiled slightly as he saw that Finn was in there.  
"Finn, can I talk to you about something?" Ryder asked him as he walked towards him.  
Hearing Ryder's voice, Finn looked up "Yeah sure dude. What's up? Is everything okay?"  
"Yeah it's just that I'm not sure what to do about something and I thought that you might know what to do about it" Ryder said to him as he then bit his lip.  
Finn just smiled slightly "What is it? You're not in trouble are you?" he asked, seeming slightly concerned.  
"No it's not that. It's just that I'm in love with someone and I'm too scared to tell them and I don't know how to pluck the courage up to tell them." Ryder said to Finn.  
Finn just sat down on a seat "All you have to do is just say it to them but if you can't pluck the courage up to tell them then do what we all used to do. Do it through music. Tell them through music. I'll even help you find a song if you want me to" Finn said to him with a smile.  
Ryder just smiled gratefully at him "Thanks Finn. How do we even begin to think up a song though?" he asked.  
"Well to be honest that all depends on who it is that you're in love with. Because you need to think about the situation that they are in and if they're dating anyone. Do you want to tell me who it is? You don't have to if you don't want to" Finn said to him as he stood up again.  
Ryder looked to the floor and took a deep breath before looking back up again "It's Jake" he told Finn.  
Finn just smiled "Well maybe you could just choose a song that just hints at loving someone so it's not a full blown love song, just like, I dunno suggesting that you like him and then just see if he catches on." he said as he then placed a hand on his shoulder "Don't worry about anything dude. Even if Jake doesn't feel the same way about you, he will still treat you the same and he won't judge you, he's a good friend to you and no matter what happens, he always will be."  
Ryder just smiled "Thanks again Finn. I know I have to but I'm not ready to just yet, I mean I just have to think of a song and then pluck the courage up to actually do it." he said to Finn.  
"Whenever you think you're ready, just tell me even if it's in the middle of Glee okay?" Finn smiled.  
Ryder just nodded and smiled before giving Finn a small hug and walking out of the choir room.

Finn just smiled as he watched Ryder leave. He was glad that he had been able to help him. At times Jake and Ryder reminded him so much of himself and Puck. They were great friends, who at first hadn't really seen eye to eye. Ryder reminded him so much of himself and Jake reminded him so much of Puck. He knew that no matter what happened Jake and Ryder would still be good friends in the end. Part of him was worried about Ryder in case he got hurt but the other part of him was sure that no matter what Jake said, he would be fine. He just hoped that nothing would go wrong. He didn't want Ryder to get hurt, and he would be the same with any of the New Directions. He loved the New Directions, they way Mr Schue had when he was the Glee club teacher. He wasn't sure if he should try talking to Jake, maybe if he did it would help. He then decided that if he was going to talk to Jake at all then it would be after Ryder had sung to him. Well that was if Ryder sang something and things didn't go well. If things turned out okay then what would be the point in talking to Jake? The only thing that Finn was worried about was that Jake might not feel the same way and the friendship that he and Ryder had would end up being awkward or even ruined and he would feel partly responsible if that happened, because he was the one that told Ryder to sing a song to Jake to help him express his feelings towards him.

Later on that day Ryder and Jake were up in Jake's bedroom and Jake was helping Ryder with the English homework. It seemed, to Ryder, that it was taking ages although it probably wasn't. Whenever he got confused or lost, Jake was never impatient with him instead he just explained it again. Once Ryder's English homework was done and Ryder had put it away, Jake turned the TV on and flicked through the channels. After flicking through practically every single channel he just frowned.  
"Typical. So many channels and there is shit on every single one of them" Jake sighed as he turned off the TV.  
Ryder just smiled "It's always the way dude. Why don't we just do something else?"  
Jake then just looked at him "Like what though?" he asked him.  
_'Like make out'_ Ryder thought but of course he couldn't just say that so instead he just said "I dunno. Surely we can think of something right?"  
Jake was just about to answer him when there was a knock on Jake's bedroom door, and his mother walked in with a small smile on her face "Are you boys alright?" she asked.  
Jake just smiled at his mother "Yeah, we just can't think of what to do. I've helped Ryder with his homework and that didn't take as long I thought it was going to take, and now we've got nothing to do and there's just crap on the TV" he answered her.  
"I'm sure you two will work something out. Would either of you like a drink or anything?" Jake's mother smiled.  
"Yeah, Coke would be great mother" Jake said to her.  
"Can I have some Coke too, please?" Ryder asked with a smile.  
"At least one of you has manners" Jake's mother smiled as she then left the room.

A few moments later Jake's mother came back with two glasses of Coke in her hands.  
She handed then to Jake and Ryder and just smiled when Ryder thanked her before walking out. Jake took a drink before placing it on his desk and sat on his bed.  
"You know Marley thinks that you and her are dating" Jake said with a smile.  
"What? Seriously? Why does she think that?" Ryder asked him with a small smile.  
"Because you kissed her, when we were about to go and perform 'You're the one that I want' remember?" Jake replied.  
"But that was just a kiss. I don't even like her like that, she's…she's not even my type" Ryder said.  
Jake just looked at Ryder, slightly confused "Who is your type then? Kitty?"  
"Really Jake, Kitty? I'm not insane" Ryder said with a slight laugh.  
"Yeah good point, I mean her face looks like she lost a fight with an alligator" Jake said with a serious look on his face. Just at that moment, Ryder had taken a drink and when Jake spoke he ended spitting it out and burst out laughing. When he'd spat out the coke it ended up all over Jake's top.  
"Oh shit. I'm so sorry dude" Ryder said as he put his coke next to Jake's.  
"It's fine. I was going to have to put this top in the wash anyway." Jake smiled at him as he then took off his t-shirt and walked out of his room to go and put it in the washing basket for it to be washed.  
Once Jake had walked back into the room Ryder had to look to the floor, otherwise he would end up just staring at Jake's chest. Jake looked to Ryder and saw him just staring at the floor and looked confused "Dude, you alright? Why are you staring at my floor?" he asked him.  
Ryder looked up and saw that Jake still hadn't put on another top. "I'm fine. I just feel a bit…..sick that's all" he lied. Hopefully Jake wouldn't start asking him loads of questions and leave him alone. "I have to go" he then said as he stood up, picked up his bag and walked out of Jake's room leaving the Puckerman standing there looking confused. Had he done something wrong? He really didn't know what was the matter with Ryder. He was actually slightly worried about him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**** Hope you guys liked the first chapter. I must apologise if this chapter is rather rubbish. But I hope you enjoy it. I must thank EmmaAmyPillsburyPond for helping me with Santana, as I wasn't sure what she could have said and she helped me out with it. So big hugs and loads of kisses to you, EmmaAmyPillsburyPond xxxxxxx. Oh and even though I am just making the New Directions still have the choir room, I am setting this chapter after the Sadie Hawkins Dance. Maybe like a few days after? And although Marley and Jake are together now I am just going to work around that because nothing at all is going to stop me shipping Jyder.**

Ryder just walked into the Choir room, knowing that it was now or never. He just had to tell Jake now. Well sing to him and just, hope that Jake understood what he meant and accepted it even if he didn't feel the same. He couldn't put it off any more.  
He felt his heart racing as he looked up and saw Jake sitting there next to Marley.  
Everyone else was already in the Choir room when he walked in so he just walked to Finn  
"Finn, I'm ready to sing that song now" Ryder smiled slightly.  
Finn just looked at Ryder and placed a hand on his shoulder "I'm here if you need me dude" he smiled before turning to the rest of the New Directions "Okay guys, before we start anything there's a song that Ryder needs to sing" he then sat down at the front with a smile aimed towards Ryder.  
Ryder then took a deep breath before beginning to sing.

_Ooh you make me live  
Whatever this world can give to me  
It's you you're all I see  
Ooh you make me live now honey  
Ooh you make me live_

Ooh you're the best friend that I ever had  
I've been with you such a long time  
You're my sunshine and I want you to know  
That my feelings are true  
I really love you  
Oh you're my best friend

Ooh you make me live

Ooh I've been wandering round  
But I still come back to you  
In rain or shine  
You've stood by me girl  
I'm happy at home  
You're my best friend

Ooh you make me live  
Whenever this world is cruel to me  
I got you to help me forgive  
Ooh you make me live now honey  
Ooh you make me live

You're the first one  
When things turn out bad  
You know I'll never be lonely  
You're my only one  
And I love the things  
I really love the things that you do  
You're my best friend

Ooh you make me live

I'm happy at home  
You're my best friend  
Oh you're my best friend  
Ooh you make me live  
You you're my best friend

After he had finished he felt like he had just made the biggest mistake of his entire life. He just stood and stared at the floor before, biting his lip and running out of the choir room.  
"Ryder!" Finn shouted after him and went to go after him but Jake stood up.  
"I'll go talk to him Finn" Jake smiled as he then walked out, leaving Finn to whatever it was he was planning to do with the remaining New Directions.

"Ryder, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you sing that song and then just walk out?" Jake asked Ryder as he walked over to him.  
Ryder just looked up to Jake and smiled slightly "Sorry, it's just that I realised something that I didn't know how to say so I thought I would say it with music and afterwards I just felt like I had made the biggest mistake of my life" when Jake didn't say anything back to that, Ryder just carried on "What I've realised is that I have all of these feelings, feelings for you that I'm afraid of dealing with because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences. I wanna be with you but I'm afraid of the talks and the looks. I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still I have to accept that I love you. I love you and I don't wanna be with Marley, Kitty or any of those other girls I just want you. Please say you love me back, please."  
Jake then just looked rather stunned "Wait what? You….you're in love with me? Ryder, don't okay. You're my best friend and…..well to be honest I don't love you. Not like that. Yeah I love you but like a mate and I don't love you in the same way you love me and I don't think I want to either."  
Ryder then just frowned, feeling a single tear roll down his face "Wow, who ever thought that telling the truth could mean you can be so stuck."  
Jake just sighed softly "Dude, I'm sorry" he said to him before he then went to hug Ryder.  
"Get off me" Ryder said to Jake as he pushed him away, before turning away and walking off with tears rolling down his face.

A few moments later Ryder looked up and found himself almost bumping into Santana Lopez, who was walking towards the Choir room. Santana stopped walking and looked at Ryder.  
"Woah woah woah, I know that look" she said to him as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and lead him into an empty classroom "You just tell Auntie Tana everything" she smiled at him.  
"Wait what are you doing back here Santana? Did Finn call you?" Ryder asked her.  
"Never mind that just tell me what's wrong. I know that look. I had that same look after Brittany blew me off the first time I told her that I loved her" Santana replied to him.  
Ryder just sighed "I told Jake that I loved him and…..he said that he didn't love me back and that he didn't want to love me back. It just hurt more to hear him say he didn't want to love me"  
"That sounds similar to my situation. Trust me things will work out in the end. But just leave I for a while and then if things are still all screwed up then try talking to him." Santana smiled at him before hugging him.  
"Thanks Santana." Ryder smiled as he hugged her back.  
Santana then pulled away from the hug. "It's fine. Like I said I have been through the same thing so I know what it feels like." She smiled as she then left the room.  
After talking to Santana, Ryder actually felt slightly better but he still felt as if Jake had ripped out his heart and ripped it into shreds.

After a few moments, Ryder then finally walked back into the choir room. Finn just looked at him "You okay Ryder?" he asked.  
"Yeah, thanks to Santana" Ryder smiled as he then sat down as far away from Jake as he possibly could. Tina had a frown on her face and was almost glaring at Santana who was standing next to Finn. Had he called her here again? Why had he done that?  
"What is she doing here Finn? Is she playing one of the lead roles in another production?" Tina asked as she folded her arms across her chest.  
Santana then sighed "I'm here because Finn said that he wanted the girls and boys to both have a sing-off. He is going to work with the boys and he asked me to come along to work with you girls. If that's alright with you Asian Princess" Santana replied to Tina.  
Tina just frowned and didn't say anything afterwards.  
Brittany was just happy that Santana was back and she looked to Tina and frowned "Tina I don't understand why you could be so mean. Santana is your friend and she always will be. I know you're upset about the fact that she got to play Rizzo in Grease but you have to learn to put the past behind you and just get over it. Don't let something as stupid as a part in a play break a perfectly good friendship" she said to Tina.

It wasn't until after Glee had finished, and when everyone was starting to leave, that Ryder noticed that Glee was actually over. He had been too busy trying to work out what he should say to Jake to try and sort things out. As soon as Ryder had walked out of the choir room he almost walked into Jake who was flirting like mad with Marley.  
"Hey Ryder, are you alright? You weren't even paying attention in Glee" Marley said to him and just looked to Jake with a confused expression when Ryder walked off without saying a word.  
"Did I do something wrong?" Marley asked Jake.  
"I'll go and see what's up with him" Jake smiled as he then kissed Marley's cheek before walking after Ryder.  
"What the hell dude? Why did you just walk away like that, without answering Marley?" Jake asked Ryder when he'd caught up to him.  
Ryder just stopped and turned around "Because of you. How do you think I felt when I saw you flirting with her like that? You know how I feel about you Jake. I wasn't going to stand there and watch you stare at her like that." Ryder said to him as a single tear rolled down his face.  
"Oh okay so now I can't flirt with anyone because you love me?" Jake asked him.  
Ryder just sighed softly "I didn't mean that. I just meant that it fucking hurt. It really hurt. How would you feel if you told me that you loved me and I told you that I didn't love you and that I didn't want to and then you end up catching me flirting with someone else?" he said to him, trying to stop more tears rolling down his cheeks.  
"Look just because it hurts you that doesn't mean that I can't flirt with her." Jake said to him "As far as you know I could really like her. I'm not going to stop it just because it hurts you. I'm allowed to flirt with whoever I want to flirt with I want to flirt with and you are not going to stop me from…" Jake said to him with a glare but he was cut off by Ryder pressing his lips to his. Jake instantly pushed Ryder away from him and just looked at him as if he was stupid "What the fuck was that?" he asked him.  
Ryder just looked to the floor "I'm sorry okay I just….." Ryder began to say but couldn't actually finish the sentence.  
"You just what? Wanted to kiss me in the middle of the corridor, where anyone could see it and try to get me to kiss you back making people think that we're dating or something?" Jake said to him.  
Ryder then just looked up at him, the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks now "You know what? Forget it. Just forget it" he said as he turned around and walked off with the tears streaming down his face.

Brittany was walking down the corridor headed to her locker when she ended up seeing Ryder leaning against the wall, with tears streaming down his face. She just walked over to him and smiled sadly. She really hated seeing her friends cry and although she didn't know him all that well she classed Ryder as one of her friends.  
"Ryder, are you okay? What's the matter?" She asked him, just hoping that if he told her she would be able to help.  
Ryder looked up and smiled ever so slightly. He knew that he could tell Brittany and she wouldn't judge him, not that any of the other New Directions would either. If he could trust any of the New Directions with this type of problem then it was Brittany because she was the kind of person who would always try to help and if she couldn't help then she would try and make you feel better. He knew that he could always talk to Finn but he knew that Finn probably wouldn't be able to help. Brittany seemed like his best bet right now.  
"You know when I just left after singing that song and then Jake went after me? Well I ended up telling him that I loved him and he just blew me off. He said he didn't love me and that he didn't want to, and then just before when I left the choir room I walked out to see him flirting with Marley and even though Marley spoke to me I just walked off. I only did it because it just hurt to see him flirting with her and when Jake came after me to ask me why I ignored her, I told him and he practically said that he didn't care and that he could flirt with whoever he wanted to flirt with, but it was mainly the fact that he said it and…and didn't even seem to care about the fact that it hurt me" Ryder said to her. Hoping that he hadn't confused her or bored her or something like that.  
"Never get upset over a guy, no matter what he did. No guy is worth your tears. I know it might seem pointless to think this, but if it's meant to be then it will be but if it's not then you'll get over him and find someone else. Santana taught me that, no matter what happens if things are meant to be they always turn out alright in the end but if not then things still work out okay. She might be a spastic Lebanese but she is probably one of the smartest people I know and she knows how guys minds work." Brittany said to him as she pulled him into a hug. Ryder just hugged Brittany back, with a small smile. She had made so much sense, well apart form when she called Santana a spastic Lebanese. What did that mean? Although that had confused him she had helped.  
After a few moments Brittany pulled away from the hug and smiled at Ryder before practically skipping off to her locker.  
Tina then just walked over to Ryder "I heard what Brittany said about Santana. Don't worry that is all I heard I promise. When she said that Santana was a spastic Lebanese she meant a Hispanic Lesbian" she smiled at him and just sighed softly.  
Ryder just smiled slightly at Tina "People always say she's stupid but she's not. She really helped me"  
"Yeah, that is Brittany for you" Tina smiled.

Ryder looked to where Jake and Marley had been before and saw the Cheerio that he had gone to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with. He quickly turned away, hoping that she hadn't seen him.  
"Oh God! Its her." He sighed.  
"Who?" Tina asked him, rather confused.  
"You know that girl I went to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with?" Ryder asked and when Tina nodded he carried on "Well I think she's like obsessed with me or something. I mean the day after she followed me around as much as possible and yesterday she kept bumping into me, making it seem like an accident, and giggling and just staring at me. She's freaking me out. She keeps following me"  
Tina just laughed "Sounds like you have a new girlfriend"  
Ryder just laughed "No seriously she's scary. She's a freakin' psycho bitch. I swear she's stalking me"  
The Cheerio then walked up to Ryder and grinned at him and giggled slightly before speaking to him "Hey Ryder. Why have you been ignoring me? I've been calling you. Is it because you don't recognise my number?" she said to him.  
"Wait what? How did…..how did you get my number?" Ryder asked her.  
"Well in Cheerio practise afterwards I asked Kitty to give me your number and she did. Should I give you my number? Then that way you will know it's me" she said to him with a smile that actually freaked Ryder out slightly. He couldn't even remember what her name was, so when she gave him her number he wasn't sure what he could even put her under.  
Ryder just didn't say anything to that. If he had her number then he wouldn't have a reason to ignore her because he didn't want to tell her that she was freaking him out.  
"Why not give me it later; I kinda need to be somewhere right now." Ryder said before running off. He knew it wasn't fair on her but he couldn't help it. He had to just avoid getting her number for as long as possible. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't just keep getting hurt or upset over Jake. He just didn't know what to do anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N;**** I actually want to hate Jake in my own story for what he did to my poor little Ryder. I know that that the girl Ryder went to the dance with is probably perfectly normal but I thought that maybe I could make her obsessed with Ryder (because of the look on her face when she was at the window made me think she was obsessed) but still she might make things harder or easier. Let's just see what happens eh? And this chapter was uploaded sooner than I thought it would be.**

Ryder just frowned as he walked towards his locker and saw Marley at her locker kissing Jake. He just bit his lip and forced himself not to go over there and pull Marley away from Jake and just kiss Jake. Jake would only just push him away and hurt him again. After a few moments he saw Jake look at him and then just turned back to Marley and kissed her. Ryder just frowned because he knew that Jake had just done that on purpose. He didn't know Jake was being like this.  
He just walked over to the both of them and pushed Jake away from Marley and glared at him.  
"Ryder, what the hell dude? Why did you just do that?" Jake said to him.  
Ryder just rolled his eyes "Why would you do that? You looked at me and then you kissed her. You knew that I would see it. You knew that it would hurt me." He said to him with a frown.  
Marley just looked to Ryder and then to Jake, with a confused look on her face.  
"Guys what's going on?"she asked them.  
"Just forget it Marley, this is between me and this dickhead" Ryder said glaring at Jake.  
Jake then just sighed and rolled his eyes "How am I a dickhead? Because I like Marley and not you. Look I know it hurts but I don't love you Ryder. When you get that into your thick head then maybe we can sort this out and actually go back to being proper friends again." Jake said to him.  
Marley then just looked at Ryder and looked rather shocked and before she could speak Ryder had pushed Jake against the lockers.  
"Look just stop being such a prick. I know you don't love me back but can you stop acting like such a fucking prick." Ryder frowned. Although he didn't let it show on his face he was rather surprised that Jake hadn't even attempted to move.

"Can one of you just explain all this to me please?" Marley then said to them, seeming annoyed. Just as Jake was about to speak Santana walked past.  
"Oi Morticia. Choir room. The other girls are already there. We need to get practising if we wanna beat the boys." She said as she carried on walking. Marley then bit her lip and looked to Jake and Ryder before following Santana.  
"I don't know what it is you want me to do Ryder. I feel like you want me to just stop everything to please you. I know I said I didn't want to love you but I didn't mean that. I wish I could love you Ryder, in the way you love me. You're my best friend and I don't want you to get hurt. You might not believe this but it hurts me to see you hurting like this" Jake said to Ryder, just staring into his eyes. He then realised something. He was starting to slowly fall for him.  
"If it hurts you to see me hurt then why act like such a dick?" Ryder shouted at him.  
"I'm not acting like a dick Ryder. All I did was tell you that I didn't love you, push you away when you kissed me, and just now all I did was kiss Marley. So just stop accusing me of doing something that I'm not even doing." Jake shouted back.  
The look on Jake's face just made Ryder's heart race. He couldn't stop staring into his eyes.  
He then just leant forward and kissed Jake, even if Jake pushed him away again he just couldn't help it.  
Jake froze for a second, not sure what to do. He then wrapped his arms around Ryder and kissed him back. He tried to stop himself but he just couldn't help it. Jake ran his hands up Ryder's back and let them tangle into his hair as he kissed him. After a few moments Jake pulled away from the kiss and looked down, as he let his arms fall down to his sides.  
"I shouldn't have done that. I….I'm sorry. I should go" Jake said as he then bit his lip before walking off.

Ryder was just about to walk after him when he felt someone tapping him on the shoulder.  
He turned around and saw the Cheerio that he'd gone to the Sadie Hawkins dance with. Couldn't she leave him alone?  
"See you later Helen" said another Cheerio as she then walked off. Okay so she was called Helen. At least he knew her name now so he didn't have to call her psycho bitch anymore.  
"So I was thinking that maybe we could hang out sometime" Helen smiled at Ryder "Want to come to Breadstix with me tonight?"  
Ryder just smiled at her and nodded his head "Yeah that would be great. I guess I should get to know you a little better" he said to her.  
"Great. See you there at 8" Helen smiled before walking off.  
"Okay! What was that about? Why did you accept that date? You said she freaked you out" came a voice from behind him.  
When he turned around he saw Artie frowning at him "I know you don't like her Ryder. Don't go and hurt her by going on a date with her and then blowing her off. I've made that mistake once and it makes you feel like crap. Last year I went on a date with Becky and it turned out that she really liked me and when I told her that I didn't want to go out with her again it hurt her. Don't make the same mistake I did"  
Ryder just sighed "I know what I'm doing. I won't hurt her I promise. I know what it's like to love someone and for them to just blow you off" he said before walking off.

Ryder then walked into the library, mainly to try and get a bit of peace and quiet.  
He had just sat down when someone sat opposite him.  
"What do you want Jake?" he said without even looking up.  
"How did you know it was me?" Jake asked him.  
Ryder then just looked up "Because of the feeling I get whenever you're around me" he said in reply.  
Jake then just smiled slightly "Look I'm sorry about before. I know I shouldn't have just walked off like that. We're still friends right?"  
Ryder just nodded his head "Just as long as you don't be an ass"  
Jake laughed slightly and then spoke "Do you wanna hang out tonight? My mom is away and Marley is apparently busy with the girls"  
"Can't. I've got a date tonight" Ryder replied with a small smile.  
Jake then looked both shocked and confused "A date? Who with?"  
"Helen" Ryder replied "The girl I went to the Sadie Hawkins dance with"  
Jake was just about to speak when Brittany turned around from the table behind then and frowned.  
"You shouldn't talk in a library. It's very discourteous" she said to them.  
Ryder then just smiled slightly and stood up, dragging Jake behind him as he walked out the library.  
"Why are you going on a date with her? Do you even like her?" Jake frowned  
"What does it matter to you? But if you must know I'm going on a date with her to get to know her" Ryder told him "I don't know if I like her. I don't even know her all that well."  
Jake just frowned again "Just don't get yourself hurt" he mumbled before walking off.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N;**** If we ever find out what the neck brace Cheerio's (the girl Ryder went to the Sadie Hawkins dance with) name then I will just carry on writing this story with her name being Helen to avoid any confusion. Hoping you guys liked the last chapter. I will be starting this chapter on Helen and Ryder's 'date'. I have an idea in my head that I am slowly going to let unfold but things have to happen and get in the way. So I really do hope that you like this chapter. Don't forget to review guys! Oh and my apologies that this is late to be updated, I haven't really been feeling like doing much to be honest because I had a muscle strain in my back and every movement was painful and I honestly spent days in bed and I have just been really busy.**

Ryder smiled as he sat down at the table with Helen. He wasn't sure why but he was a bit nervous about this. Maybe it was because he had never been on a date before or maybe it was because she seemed to be slightly obsessed with him.  
But even so, why not give her the benefit of the doubt?  
"Can I just ask, why did you ask me to the Sadie Hawkins Dance when you hardly know me?" Ryder asked her.  
Helen just smiled and blushed slightly "Because I'd seen you around and I had a huge crush on you ever since I first saw you." She said as she looked up at him "You hardly know me so why did you accept?"  
"Because you seem sweet" he replied.  
Helen then just smiled at him and looked to the table not knowing what to say to him.  
"You know what?" Ryder said looking at Helen and smiling at her.  
"What?" Helen asked with a small smile.  
Ryder then took her hand and smiled at her "you look amazing"  
Helen then looked down to the table and blushed "Don't. I don't look amazing. I can't look amazing with this stupid neck brace" she sighed.  
"Stop it. You do you look amazing. In fact you look more than amazing. You look beautiful." Ryder smiled at her "You are beautiful"  
Helen just smiled at Ryder "No one has ever called me beautiful before" she said to him.  
"Well now someone has" Ryder smiled after a few moments Ryder just bit his lip before speaking again "What happened anyway? I mean why do you need the neck brace?" he asked when Helen didn't answer Ryder just sighed softly "I'm sorry. You don't…you don't have to answer that. Its none of my business just forget I said anything"  
Helen just smiled slightly "No its okay. I was riding my horse and I fell off. Simple as that" she laughed.

After the two of them had finished their food Ryder just smiled softly as Helen went to get some money out of her purse.  
"No, I'll get this" he smiled at her "You asked me out but I'll pay" he added before putting some money on top of the receipt. He then stood up and held his hand out with a smile. Helen took Ryder's hand and stood up and smiled up at him as the two of them walked out of Breadstix, hand-in-hand.  
The two of them just stood outside Breadstix for a few moments before Ryder leant forward and kissed Helen. Helen kissed Ryder back and wrapped her arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her waist.  
Ryder leant back against a wall and pulled Helen toward him, not stopping the kiss for a single moment. After a few more moments Ryder pulled away from the kiss and smiled at Helen.  
"I had a great night" Helen smiled at him as she then kissed his cheek.  
Ryder then smiled softly "So did I"  
Helen bit her lip before speaking "What happens now? I mean are we dating now or what?" she asked him.  
Ryder just smiled at her again "Yeah, I guess we are dating now. If you want us to be that is" he said as his smile turned into a grin.  
"Yeah I want us to be" Helen giggled before kissing him again.

The next day Ryder walked through the McKinley corridors and to his locker. He opened it and began to put a few things in when he saw Helen walk toward him.  
"Hey beautiful" he smiled at her before closing his locker and kissing her softly.  
After a few moments, Helen pulled away from the kiss and just smiled at Ryder.  
"Want to walk me to English?" she asked him. Ryder then just smiled and nodded as he took her hand and began to walk through the corridor with her.  
They walked into the English classroom and sat down together, waiting for the lesson to start.  
The lesson just seemed to be dragging on but it finally came to an end and the students began to file out of the classroom. Jake just looked rather confused and slightly jealous as he walked out of the classroom behind Helen and Ryder, just like he had been throughout the whole lesson.  
Finally the end of the school day came to an end. Ryder was putting a few books into his locker when Helen walked over to him.  
"You have Glee Club now right? I mean Glee is at the end of the day isn't it?" she asked him.  
Ryder nodded, "Yeah. Why don't you come along?" he said to her.  
"I can't. I have to go and babysit my niece. Maybe another time" she grinned.  
"Okay. It's cool" he smiled at her "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"  
Helen nodded before kissing him for a few moments "See you tomorrow, boyfriend" she grinned before practically skipping off.

As he walked into the Choir room, Ryder smiled to himself. He couldn't help it.  
He sat down next to a very confused Jake who just turned to look at him.  
"What is going on with you and Helen?" Jake asked him  
"Well we're kind of dating" Ryder grinned at him  
Jake just looked rather shocked "What? So you declare your love for me and now you have a girlfriend two days later?" he asked  
"Yeah, so? Jealous?" Ryder hissed at him.  
Jake just laughed slightly "Course I'm not jealous. If you haven't already noticed I'm dating Marley" he said to him, although the truth was that he was jealous because of the fact that he was falling for Ryder.  
Ryder was just about to answer when Mr Schue came into the choir room.  
"Okay so this week's assignment is to find a song about love. But not the good side of love. I want you to think about the ways love can hurt you and use that to find a song." Mr Schue said to them. "Does anyone have anything in mind at the moment? Does anyone want to start us off?"  
Jake stood up "I know a song, Mr Schue" he said as he walked to the front. Mr Schue then took a seat at the front of the choir room and waited for Jake to start.

_Sometimes I feel I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me  
The love we share  
Seems to go nowhere  
I've lost my lights  
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night_

Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Tainted love  
Tainted love

Now I know I've got to  
Run away I've got to  
Get away  
You don't really want any more from me  
To make things right  
You need someone to hold you tight  
You think love is to pray  
I'm sorry I don't pray that way

Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Tainted love  
Tainted love

Don't touch me please  
I cannot stand the way you tease  
I love you though you hurt me so  
Now I'm going to pack my things and go  
Touch me baby, tainted love  
Touch me baby, tainted love  
Touch me baby, tainted love

Once I ran to you (I ran)  
Now I'll run from you  
This tainted love you've given  
I give you all a boy could give you  
Take my tears and that's not nearly all  
Tainted love  
Tainted love  
Tainted love

After he finished he just looked to Ryder and then went to sit down again.  
"okay…great" Mr Schue smiled as he then began to talk about something. Ryder had no idea what he was talking about because he was just thinking way too much. Had that song been about him? Did Jake like him? Was he jealous that he was now dating Helen?  
Ryder just looked to Jake and sighed softly. He wanted to just go to him and kiss him and tell him how he felt.  
After what seemed like ages, Glee was over. Afterward Ryder waited outside the choir room for Jake. When Jake walked out with Marley, Ryder took a hold of his arm "we need to talk. Now!" he said as he pulled Jake round the corner.  
"What have I done now?" Jake asked.  
Ryder just sighed "That song. Tainted Love. Why did you sing it?"  
"You already know the answer to that" Jake said to him.  
"No I don't but all I know is that you looked at me after you sang it" Ryder said to him "There must have been a reason for you to…." He started but he was cut off by Jake kissing him. Ryder knew that he should have pushed Jake away but instead he just leant back against the wall and pulled Jake towards him and kissed him back.  
After a few moments Ryder pulled away from the kiss and just stared at Jake "Don't." he said simply "Why do this now? Why did you practically tell me that you love me by singing to me and then kiss me when I have a girlfriend?"  
Jake just looked down "Look, I never realised it before but I love you Ryder. You having a girlfriend made me jealous and it made me realise that I love you."  
Ryder just sighed "Yeah well you're too late with that. I told you I loved you and you blew me off and now I'm doing the same to you." He said before walking off, leaving standing there.

As soon as he walked around the corner he smiled as he saw Helen, by her locker. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind.  
She giggled and then turned around "Hey you." She smiled at him as she wrapped her arms around him and looked into his eyes.  
He glanced up and saw Jake walk round the corner and when he knew Jake had seen him he looked back to Helen and kissed her. Jake had done that to him and now it was his turn to do the same. Jake then just sighed and walked over to the two of them and pushed Ryder away from Helen.  
"That isn't fair!" Jake said to him "After what I just said"  
Ryder just laughed slightly "When you did the same thing to me?"  
Jake just frowned at him and shook his head "That was different. I didn't know how I felt about you then"  
Ryder just looked to Helen who seemed confused and a little bit upset. After a few seconds he looked back to Jake.  
"Just forget it Jake. You had your chance with me and you blew it" Ryder frowned  
Jake then just sighed "Fine. But I won't give up on you Ryder. I can promise you that" he said before walking off.  
"What was that about?" Helen asked him. Ryder then turned to look at Helen.  
"Nothing. Forget it" he said to her, he then kissed her cheek "I have to go. See you later" he smiled before running off in the direction that Jake had gone in.

After a few moments he found Jake talking to Marley, and Marley seemed to be rather upset.  
"You're breaking up with me?" Marley asked  
"Yeah. I have to because it isn't fair on you if I'm with you when I'm in love with someone else" Jake told her  
Marley then started to cry "Don't you love me? I thought you loved me Jake"  
"I do love you but….not like that. Not anymore. I couldn't help falling in love with someone else. You can't help who you fall for Marley" he said to her.  
"Who is it? Who are you in love with?" Marley demanded  
"It doesn't matter. They don't like me back" Jake frowned  
"Yes it does matter. Tell me Jake." She frowned at him.  
"Its Ryder okay? I'm in love with Ryder. Happy now?" he almost shouted back.  
Marley then opened her mouth to speak but closed it again when no sound came out. She just looked at him as tears continued to fall down her face.  
"He knows I love him. I told him just I came to talk to you, after I kissed him. He blew me off to be with that Cheerio girl" Jake sighed.  
Marley then slapped him across the face "you kissed him? Why did you kiss him? Why didn't you dump me before you tried to get into Ryder's pants?" she shouted at him before she ran off in floods of tears.  
Ryder then walked over to Jake and pulled him into a hug.  
"Everything will work out in the end mate. I promise" Ryder said to him "If we'll end up together, I don't know but if we don't then I promise you everything will work out okay"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N;**** I hope that the last chapter was okay just like I hope this one is. I apologise in advance if there is anything that is rubbish or doesn't make sense (and for the lateness), recently me and my sister have been having a lot of arguments because I am partly deaf in one ear and I have to keep asking her to repeat what she says and then when I do, half the time she just shouts at me and says I heard her when I didn't and it's been annoying me and I have just been feeling really down (For various personal reasons that I don't really want to bore you with). **

Jake just sighed softly as he walked through the corridor then walked into an empty classroom.  
Ryder had texted him and told him to meet him there before Glee.  
A few moments later Ryder walked in and closed the door before he walked over to Jake.  
"Why'd you want to meet me here?" Jake asked.  
"Two things. The first and most important thing is this" Ryder answered before he kissed him. Jake just kissed Ryder back, smiling into the kiss. When Ryder pulled away they both missed the contact almost instantly.  
"The second thing is that we have to talk. Talk about us. What are we even doing about us?" Ryder said to him.  
"Honestly? That's up to you. Me and Marley have broke up so now it's all up to you. If you want to be with Helen then I can't stop you but if you want something to happen between us then you need to decide if you want me or Helen" Jake told him as he then took a hold of his hand.  
Ryder just stared at Jake and smiled slightly before he leant forward and kissed him.  
"Give me a chance to talk to Helen" Ryder smiled softly.  
"Are you leaving her?" Jake asked  
"I want to be with you so….so I guess I have to" Ryder replied to him "How long do we have before Glee starts?" he then asked.  
Jake looked up to the clock behind Ryder and then looked back to Ryder "about half an hour. Why?"  
Ryder didn't answer him but he just pulled Jake toward him into another kiss. The two of them just kissed for a few moments before Jake pulled away "Ryder, I can't." he sighed "I can't do this if you're still with Helen"  
"Jake I might still be with her but I am going to leave her. Isn't that enough for now?!" Ryder said to him which just made Jake smile and kiss him again.  
"You know we could go into Glee late and make up some excuse…I'm sure we'll think of something" Ryder grinned and Jake just smiled back.  
"Ryder why are you still talking? Just shut up and kiss me" Jake whispered before he then kissed Ryder again and ran his hands up his top and down his back.

Jake pulled away from the kiss and took off Ryder's top and then kissed him again but once again they broke the kiss but this time for Ryder to take of Jake's top. Jake then moved the kisses from Ryder's lips to his neck, making him groan slightly.  
Ryder just let his hands roam over Jake's chest as Jake kissed his neck. After a few moments Jake stopped kissing Ryder's neck and pushed him up against a wall and began to kiss him again. Ryder moaned slightly into the kiss as Jake slipped his tongue into his mouth.  
The two of them were too busy kissing to realise that the door opened.  
"Guys! What are you doing?" Marley almost shouted at them, when the two of them jumped apart and looked at her she spoke again "First of all Jake you and me haven't even been broken up long and secondly Ryder you have a girlfriend" she frowned.  
Neither of them knew what to say so instead they just looked at each other before looking back to Marley.  
"How long have you been cheating on Helen, Ryder and were you cheating on me with him, Jake?" Marley demanded.  
Jake bent down and picked up his and Ryder's tops before putting his on and throwing Ryder his. Ryder put on his top and shook his head "Jake wasn't cheating on you. When you and him were dating we kissed once and I haven't cheated on Helen until now"  
Marley just looked to the floor and then back up at them "I can't believe you two. I mean….just why? Why risk being caught? If you wanted to have a secret affair why not make out at your places or something"  
Jake just sighed "Marley, just leave it and promise you won't tell anyone about this"  
Marley just smiled slightly "I promise" she whispered.  
"Why did you just walk in anyway?" Ryder asked her.  
"Because I needed to see the Geography teacher for something but she clearly isn't here. You were here, making out" Marley laughed slightly in reply.

When it was time for Glee, Jake and Ryder walked in and sat right at the back and sat down next to one another. Marley then just smiled at them as she walked in and sat next to Jake.  
Mr Schue walked in and was just about to speak when Brittany's hand shot up.  
"Yes Brittany?" Mr Schue asked her with a smile.  
"Is there any musicals that end with unhappiness? Because I think that we should do a play of something that isn't happy because life isn't always happy. People get hurt and that isn't happy when that happens." Brittany said to him.  
"Yes, there is Brittany! There is probably loads of them. If you want to do a play then why not suggest it to Principal Figgins after Glee" Mr Schue smiled which seemed to make Brittany happy.  
Marley glanced to Jake and Ryder and smiled to herself when she saw that they were holding hands. The pair of them were too busy glancing at each other every so often to really be paying full attention to Mr Schue. Before they knew it Glee was over.  
"See you later Jake, I need to talk to Helen" Ryder smiled before quickly kissing him, not caring who saw him.  
"Sure dude" Jake smiled as Ryder then walked off to Helen's locker.

Ryder was glad to see that Helen was at her locker and she smiled when she saw Ryder.  
"Hey, you!" she smiled at him as she closed her locker  
Ryder then took Helen's hand and lead her to the choir room. Everybody had left now so it was just the two of them.  
Ryder sat down and then Helen sat down next to him wondering what he brought her here for.  
"As you know this is the choir room and in here we use music to express our feelings when words just aren't enough, and there's something I need to say to you but I don't know how to say it." Ryder told her.  
Helen just looked a little nervous and a little confused. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what Ryder was going to say to her.  
Ryder then just began to sing to her.

_How you turned my world, you precious thing  
You starve and near exhaust me  
Everything I've done, I've done for you  
I move the stars for no one_

You've run so long  
You've run so far

Your eyes can be so cruel  
Just as I can be so cruel  
Though I do believe in you

Yes I do

Live without the sunlight  
Love without your heartbeat  
I, I can't live within you

I can't live within you

(sigh)

I, I can't live within you

Ryder then bit his lip, "Do you know what I'm trying to say here?"  
"That everything you've done you've done for me but you can't be with me. I've seen the Labyrinth, I know the meaning of the song." Helen said with a sad sigh "Why can't you be with me? Is it something I've done?"  
"You know I should have thought of a different song because I don't know what I can say to make this easier" Ryder sighed but when Helen looked at him as if ask him to just tell her he spoke again "I love you Helen but…..but I'm not in love with you. I tried to make myself fall in love with you but I couldn't because I….."he stared but couldn't finish what he was saying.  
"Because you love someone else?" Helen finished for him. She then just stood up "So you're breaking up with me because you want to be with someone else?"  
Ryder stood up and sighed softly "Helen, I'm sorry. Like I said I do love you, I do, I really do but I'm in love with someone else"  
"Who? Who are you in love with?" Helen asked him, trying to hold back the tears.  
"Jake" Ryder said simply. He then just sighed softly "I'm sorry" he whispered.  
"It's okay. At least you were honest with me" Helen smiled as she then walked out of the choir room, the tears now falling down her face.  
Ryder just stood there and looked down. He hated the fact that he had hurt her, but it wouldn't have been fair on her to stay with her when he wanted to be with Jake.

After a few moments Ryder walked out of the choir room and smiled softly as he saw Jake by his locker. He just walked over to him and leant against the lockers next to Jake's.  
Jake turned to look at Ryder and smiled "You alright?" he asked  
Ryder nodded "Yeah, I just broke up with Helen and…..well the look on her face was just horrible, I feel so bad"  
Jake sighed slightly and hugged Ryder "You did the right thing dude. Even if we were never going to be together, you still did the right thing. You're not in love with her so it isn't fair to her for you to be with her."

Ryder then just smiled and pulled away from the hug and kissed Jake softly.  
Helen then walked past and saw Ryder kissing Jake "Ryder!" she practically screamed at him "You've only just broken up with me. I know you left me so you could be with Jake but couldn't you at least wait a few days before you start dating him?"  
Ryder just turned his head to look at Helen "Look Helen, I know we've only just broken up but even when I was dating you I was in love with him. I was in love with him even before you asked me out and when he told me that he loved me, I couldn't not be with him" he said to her.  
Helen then just looked horrified before slapping him across the face "Thanks. I actually thought you liked me but clearly I was wrong. I was only a consolation prize. You only dated me because you couldn't be with Jake" she said, shooting a glare at Jake before walking off.  
Ryder just sighed before walking off after Helen "Helen, stop it. It wasn't like that. I told you I loved you and I meant it. I never wanted you to get hurt" he said to her as he took her arm.  
Helen just looked to Ryder "But I did get hurt didn't I? You left me and it hurt. I'm not going to pretend it didn't" she frowned at him.  
"For that I can only say that I am sorry" he said to her with a sigh  
"Well sorry isn't good enough. Because of how much you hurt me and how much it hurt when I found out that you only dated me because you couldn't have Jake." Helen said to him.  
"What can I say Helen? What can I say to make you see that it was never like that?" Ryder asked her.  
"There is nothing that you can say Ryder, nothing" Helen sighed softly.  
"Then what can I do? I'll do anything to prove that I love you" Ryder said to her.  
Helen stood for a moment not saying a word. Just thinking. After a few moments of thought Helen just smiled. "There is one thing you can do for me"  
"What?" Ryder asked, feeling slightly nervous about what it was she wanted him to do.  
Helen walked closer to him and smiled even more "Sleep with me" she whispered into his ear before backing away slightly.  
Ryder just looked horrified by what she had just asked him to do. He then shook his head "What? No! I'm not sleeping with you. I'm not going to cheat on Jake" he said to her.  
Helen just frowned "Oh come on it wouldn't be cheating because you and Jake aren't even dating properly yet, right?"  
"Not exactly but it would still be cheating because we're kind of starting out and I don't want to fuck things up before they've even begun because I really really love him" Ryder said to her.  
Helen just sighed softly "If you don't sleep with me then I'll tell your parents that you got me pregnant" she said to him "Think about it. Just let me know what's happening and make it soon" she added before walking off.

Ryder then just turned around and saw Jake walking towards him.  
"You okay?" Jake asked him as he wrapped an arm around Ryder's waist.  
"Helen said that if I didn't sleep with her then she'd tell my parents that I got her pregnant" Ryder said to him.  
"Are you going to sleep with her?" Jake asked him.  
"I have to don't I? Otherwise my parents will hate me for something that I haven't even done" Ryder told him  
"Well you'd better talk her out of it because if you sleep with her Ryder, we're over before we've even begun" Jake said to him before walking off.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N;**** Once again guys I'm sorry about the lateness of this chapter, it's just that fanfiction writing is the last thing on my mind right now but I can't bring myself to let you guys down so I am trying to get these chapters done as quickly as possible. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm just feeling so low that I just don't really care anymore. Me and my sister are always arguing these days and it's just getting me down and plus there is so much going on in my head right now and I just don't know how to deal with it all. All I want to do is shut myself in my room, go to bed and stay there. I really just don't know what I am doing these days. My head, my feelings and my emotions are just all over the place these days and I just don't know what to do about it all. I feel so useless half of the time and when I'm not feeling useless I'm annoyed at something or someone. Sorry about the little rant, on with the fanfiction.**

Jake walked through the McKinley corridors and when he saw Ryder, he walked over to him and took his hand and smiled at him ever so slightly.  
"We need to talk." Jake said to him as he then began to lead Ryder down the corridor. Once they were in the choir room Jake just dropped Ryder's hand and looked at him.  
"Are you going to have sex with Helen?" Jake asked  
Ryder just looked to the floor "Jake, I have to."  
"No you don't. She can't blackmail you into having sex with her. If you don't want to do it then don't." Jake said to him.  
"You don't get it do you? If she tells my parents that she is pregnant then I am fucked" Ryder almost shouted at him.  
"Okay so you want us to break up before we've even started? Because that's what is going to happen if you have sex with her" Jake shouted at him.  
"I just don't want my parents to hate me. I love you Jake, I love you so much and the thought of losing you hurts so much but I have to do this" Ryder shouted  
"But she can't make you do something you don't want to do" Jake shouted at him, he was starting to get really mad now.  
"Woah Woah Woah, what is going on here?" Santana asked as she walked into the room.  
"That psycho neck brace Cheerio blackmailed Ryder to try and get him to have sex with her" Jake told Santana.  
Santana frowned "I'll talk to her. Don't you two worry your pretty little heads" she said as she smiled slightly at them. "Let's go and sort her out" she added as she then began to walk out of the choir room. Ryder took a hold of Jake's hand and the two of them followed Santana.

Santana then saw Helen at her locker and walked over to her and pushed her locker shut "Okay here's what's gonna go down. You're going to leave Ryder alone and just face that he doesn't want to be with you and that he doesn't want to have sex with you. He's with Jake now and if I find out that you have blackmailed either of them again or tried to break them up then I will go all Lima Heights on your ass" Santana said to her with a frown "Got it? Good" she added.  
"Thanks Santana" Ryder smiled. Santana just smiled and then walked off.  
Helen then just glared at Jake and Ryder before walking off.  
Jake then smiled and pulled Ryder into a kiss before taking a hold of his hand and walking down the corridors with him.  
The two of them walked into History class and sat next to one another, still holding onto one another's hands. For the whole lesson they just focused all their attention on each other, despite being told to pay attention numerous times.  
When the lesson was over, Jake and Ryder stood up and walked out almost immediately as if they couldn't wait to get out of the classroom.

Once they were out of the classroom Jake pulled Ryder towards him and leant against the wall and kissed him.  
"You know anyone could see this and we haven't told anyone that we're dating or anything yet" Ryder said to Jake but Jake didn't seem to care as he just kissed Ryder again.  
Jake then pulled away from the kiss "You know, we should sing something in Glee to tell them all about us" he suggested.  
"Yeah sounds great. What song though?" Ryder asked.  
"I have the perfect song, come on!" Jake grinned.

Later that day in Glee club everyone was waiting for Jake and Ryder to arrive.  
When they arrived Mr Schue was just about to tell them about his plans for today's glee lesson when Jake spoke "Mr Schue? Me and Ryder have that we'd like to sing to the rest of the Glee club"  
Mr Schue then smiled and sat down "Whenever you're ready guys"  
Ryder and Jake then stood at the front of the class and began to sing.

_**Both:**__  
You are all I need to get me through (get me through now baby)  
Like a falling star I fell for you (I fell for you)_

_**Ryder:**__  
Sweet anticipation  
It's giving me the butterflies  
And my heartbeat's racing  
Cos loving you is beautiful  
When you're so irresistible_

_**Jake:**__  
So don't stop (don't stop)  
What you're doing baby  
So good (so good)  
And it drives me crazy  
One touch (who-ho-hoo)  
I'm in heaven, yeah  
Cos loving you is so beautiful baby cos..._

_**Both:**__  
You are all I need to get me through (to get me through now)  
Like a falling star I fell for you (I fell for you now)  
You have taught me how to love  
An angel sent from high above  
Now I know that all I need is you_

Cos I need you and you need me  
And we'll always be together

_**Jake:**__  
I thought I knew what love was  
I always ended up in tears  
It's just the way my world was  
Until you walked into my life  
It's something that I just can't hide_

_**Ryder:**__  
Real love (real love)  
Has come my way  
And I know (I know)  
That it's here to stay  
And it feels (who-ho-hooo)  
Like never before  
Cos loving you is so beautiful baby cos..._

_**Both:**__  
You are all I need to get me through (to get me through now)  
Like a falling star I fell for you (I fell for you now)  
You have taught me how to love  
An angel sent from high above  
Now I know that all I need is you_

Cos I need you and you need me  
And we'll always be together

Cos I need you and you need me  
And we'll always be together

_**Ryder:**__  
You're my inspiration  
My world just seems a brighter place  
I just wanna tell you  
I've never ever felt this way  
I've never thought I'd see the day_

_**Jake:**__  
Real love (real love)  
Has come my way  
And I know (I know)  
That it's here to stay  
And it feels (who-ho-hooo)  
Like never before  
Cos loving you is so beautiful baby cos..._

_**Both:**__  
You are all I need to get me through (to get me through now)  
Like a falling star I fell for you (I fell for you now)  
You have taught me how to love  
An angel sent from high above  
Now I know that all I need is..._

You are all I need to get me through (get me through now baby)  
Like a falling star I fell for you (I fell for you)  
You have taught me how to love  
An angel sent from high above  
Now I know that all I need is you

The two of them had kept looking at each other during the song and when they finished singing, Jake took a hold of Ryder's hand and smiled softly at him.  
"Why didn't you just tell us that you were smitten with each other and dating?" Brittany asked "You could have just told us instead of singing to us about it" she then added with a smile.  
"To be honest, we didn't know how to say it so we decided to say it through music" Ryder smiled as he then kissed Jake, wrapping his arms around him.  
Sugar then smiled, placing her hand over her heart "That is so sweet" she said dreamily.  
After a few moments Jake and Ryder pulled away from the kiss and sat down next to each other, hand-in-hand.  
Mr Schue then smiled before standing up and going to the front of the class "Right guys, we need to think of what we're doing for Regionals this year" he said to them.  
"We could do S Club 7 songs. I know there is more than 7 of us but since Mercedes' parents want her to be a boy we'll technically have our own Bradley. Hearing Jake and Ryder sing an S club 7 song made me realise how much I love them and I want to perform their songs for Regionals." Brittany said  
"That, Brittany is a great idea. The theme for this year is dance, so Brittany why don't you find 3 S Club 7 songs with really big dance numbers in them and help us out with choreography?" Mr Schue smiled at her.  
Brittany then just began to bounce up and down on her seat looking pleased with herself.

Later on in the day Jake walked into the Lima Bean and saw Sugar sitting at a table alone. He got himself a mocha before walking over to her "Mind if I sit with you?" he asked her.  
"Sure go ahead." Sugar smiled, once Jake sat down she smiled again "You and Ryder are really sweet together"  
Jake then just smiled and laughed slightly "Thanks".  
As the two of them talked, Hunter and Jeff walked in.  
"Jeff, seriously you should just tell Nick how you feel" Hunter said to Jeff. He then grinned as he saw Jake and Sugar and walked over to them.

"Well well, if it isn't two of the New Directions. What are you guys planning to lose Regionals with then?" Hunter asked, Jeff just looked as if he wasn't sure what to do or say.  
Jake was just about to speak when they heard a cat meowing. Hunter looked down to see his white cat. "What the fuck are you doing here, you stupid cat?" he said as he then knelt down and began to stroke her. "You followed me here did you?"  
As Hunter stroked her, she started purring until all of a sudden when she just leapt up and attacked his arm. Hunter pulled his arm away and the cat ran off, out of the Lima Bean.  
"Ow, God I freakin' hate that stupid cat." Hunter said. Jeff just began to laugh but he stopped when Hunter glared at him. "I think we'll need to get back to Dalton and get my arm seen to" he then looked at Jake and Sugar before grinning "See you at Regionals".  
He then grabbed Jeff's arm and lead him out of the Lima Bean.

"I swear there is something wrong with that Hunter guy. I mean he grins way too much to be normal" Jake said to Sugar, which just made her laugh.  
"You know, I really don't know why I never got to know you before now. You're a great guy. You might be a real huge badass but underneath all that, you're a good guy" Sugar smiled.  
"Thanks!" Jake smiled "You know, when I first met you, I thought that since you were rich you would be a typical spoilt brat who was just nothing but a bitch but I couldn't have been more wrong. You're just the opposite of what I thought. You're great to talk to. You're funny, clever and really sweet" he added with a smile.  
Jake's phone then buzzed and he just smiled as he saw that it was a text from Ryder. He looked up at Sugar and smiled slightly "That was Ryder, I have to go but we should seriously hang out again sometime" he smiled at Sugar before standing up and walking out.

When he left the Lima Bean he re-read the text that he got from Ryder.  
The text read; _Get your ass over to mine now! I want you right now and you know what I mean ;)_

Jake then replied with; _On my way gorgeous. There is many things you could want me to do so you'll need to be more specific :P_

He just bit his lip when he received his next text which said; _Well in that case I want you here so I can fuck your brains out._

He'd walked to the Lima Bean so he decided that he was just going to walk to Ryder's house from the Lima Bean. The whole way there, he was thinking about that text. Was Ryder sure? Did he actually want sex or did he think that he had to have sex with him to keep him? Jake couldn't be sure but he was definitely going to have to ask him when he got there.

Before he knew it he was at Ryder's house. He knocked on the door and only had to wait a few moments a woman answered the door and he could only assume that she was Ryder's mother.  
"Hello sweetheart, you must be Jake. Ryder said that you were coming over." The woman smiled "Come in darling, come in" she added as she then moved aside and let Jake in. When she closed the door she smiled at Jake again.  
"Just go straight up to his room. It's the second on the left" she said to him.  
Jake just nodded and smiled politely at her before he walked up the stairs and to Ryder's room. He pushed open the door and grinned as he saw Ryder at his desk writing something.  
"Hey gorgeous" Jake said as he then walked in. Ryder just looked up and smiled before standing up and walking over to Jake and kissing him.  
After a few moments Jake pulled away from the kiss "Are you sure you want to do this when your mother is downstairs?" he asked.  
Ryder just laughed slightly "She's going out in a bit so we'll have the whole house to ourselves." He said to Jake, kissing him again. Ryder then led Jake to his bed before lying down and pulling Jake on top of him, kissing him again.  
At that moment Ryder's mother walked in "Ryder" she said suddenly, making Jake and Ryder both move away from each other quickly.  
"Mom, what are you doing? Couldn't you have knocked first?" Ryder asked.  
His mother just sighed softly "I just wanted to tell you that I'm going out now and I will see you tomorrow. You don't have to stay in the house but don't get yourselves into any trouble and just be careful. Both of you" she said before smiling and walking out.

Once Ryder's mother had left, Jake climbed back on top of Ryder and kissed him.  
Ryder ran his hands underneath Jake's top as they kissed. Just as Ryder was about to remove Jake's top, Jake's phone started buzzing.  
"I should get that. It might be important" Jake said as he sat up and got out his phone. He found that it was a text from Marley. He opened it and sighed softly when he saw it.  
"We need to go. Apparently Brittany is holding an emergency meeting for all New Directions in the choir room"  
Ryder just nodded, they both got up and left the house. Jake sent Marley a text to let her know that he was on his way with Ryder.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N;**** Okay so I have been re-watching One Tree Hill and I have watched the school shooting episode loads of times now (because I love the episode) and because of the gun scare in Glee it just made me think, why not have a school shooting? And why not make it similar to the one in One Tree Hill? Although I won't make it too similar I will base parts of it on the One Tree Hill episode. I hope you guys all like this chapter. Oh and I want to give loads of love to Blamx3 because of the lovely PM she sent me and I wish her all the best in the future xxxxxxxx**

Jake and Ryder walked into the Choir room for the important meeting that Brittany was holding. Once she saw that all the New Directions had now arrived she began to speak.  
"Thank you all for coming. I am holding this meeting because I am worried about Lord Tubbington. He's been taking drugs and I can't get him off them so I was wondering if you guys would help me sing him a song so he knows that we are here for him and that he has friends."  
Blaine just smiled at Brittany "Yeah, course we'll help Brittany. Have you got any songs in mind?" he said to her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.  
"No not really but I'll have a think about it and I will let you all know as soon as possible" Brittany replied "I really appreciate this and I really hope that we can convince Lord Tubbington to get off drugs"  
The rest of the New Directions just smiled at Brittany, not really knowing what to say.  
"I'm sorry that I called you here, you can all go and do whatever it is that you were planning on doing before I called you here if you want to." Brittany then said to all of the New Directions.  
"Just let some of us know and we can text the other guys about the song choice and when you want to sing it to him and we'll be there and help you out" Sam said with a small smile which made Brittany smile.

The next day just before Glee.  
Ryder was at his locker putting a few things away when Jake grabbed him from behind.  
"Hey gorgeous" Jake smiled at him and when Ryder closed his locker and turned around Jake kissed him softly. Ryder just wrapped his arms around Jake and kissed him back. Neither of them cared that there was quite a few people around and that anyone could see them.  
"Okay as hot as that is, you two had better stop and get your butts to the choir room" came Kitty's voice which made the two boys pull away from the kiss.  
Jake then took a hold of Ryder's hand and began to walk with him and Kitty to the choir room, when all of a sudden they heard someone screaming followed by a gunshot.  
Within moments teachers were running outside, taking students with them. A teacher then grabbed a hold of Kitty and Ryder and pulled them outside. Mr Schue then pulled Jake into the choir room where Marley, Brittany, Sam and Blaine were. Mr Schue then turned off the lights and told all of the kids to stay down and to stay quiet.

Ryder was trying his best to get into the school again but one of the teachers wouldn't let him.  
"I'm sorry but we can't let you into the school again. It's too dangerous" the teacher said to him.  
"Jake is in there. I need to find Jake" Ryder shouted as tears then began to roll down his face.  
Kitty then came running towards Ryder with tears streaming down her face "Ryder, I can't find Marley anywhere. I think she's still in the school" she said through her tears.  
Ryder then hugged Kitty "Jake is in there too" he replied "I need to make sure that he's okay"  
At that moment Finn ran over to them "Ryder! Kitty! Thank God you're alright" he said to them. But when he saw them crying he just looked rather concerned "What's wrong?" he asked.  
"Jake and Marley are in the school still." Ryder said to him comforting Kitty who was crying so much she could barely breathe properly.  
"Mr Schue is still in there with the other New Directions" Finn then said as he pushed past everyone there and ran inside the school.

He was just about to head towards the choir room when he noticed blood on the floor. He then began to follow a trail of blood that eventually led him to the library. He then carefully opened the door and listened for any sign of movement or any sounds. He saw that the trail of blood was still leading somewhere. He followed it and soon came cross Tina leaning against a bookshelf with a pool of blood by her leg.  
"Tina!" Finn whispered as he then sat down next to her "Are you alright? What happened?"  
"I….I…I was..sh-shot. In the leg" she said through her tears "I don't know who it was. I didn't see"  
Finn then removed the jacket from around his waist and tied it around Tina's leg to try and stop the bleeding.  
Tina just looked to Finn "I'm scared Finn, really scared" she said to him.  
Finn just wrapped an arm around her and smiled ever so slightly "I know" he said to her as he then stood up.  
"Wait, what are you doing? Don't leave me! Please Finn don't leave me here" she said to him.  
"I'm not leaving you Tina. Come on get up and let's get out of here" Finn said to her.  
Tina shook her head "I can't. I can't walk I tried. I managed to crawl here but I can't walk" she said through her tears. Finn then just bent down and picked her up before he began to quickly leave the school.

Finn finally got out of the school with Tina, barely conscious, in his arms. He then saw Joe and walked over to him "Joe, call an ambulance for Tina." He said to him.  
"Want me to call the police too?" Joe asked as he got his phone out.  
"No. I did that before I went into the school" Finn smiled as he then looked down at Tina "Tina, stay awake" he told her "You have to stay awake"  
Tina looked up to Finn sleepily "I….I'll try to stay awake" she whispered.

Ryder was still crying and hugging Kitty who had stopped crying now.  
"If anything happens to Jake then I don't know what I will do" Ryder said, which made Kitty pull away from the hug and look into his eyes "Nothing will happen. He will be fine." She said to him  
"What if he's not. I need him to be okay. I love him. I love him so much and I can't lose him" Ryder said in reply as he brushed away the tears from his face.  
"I know you do, I know and I'm sure that he's fine. Jake's smart, he will be somewhere safe" Kitty reassured him.  
"Whoever it is with a fucking gun is going to regret it if they hurt Jake" Ryder said as he then walked away from Kitty and towards the school. He had to try and get in there. He had to get to Jake.

Ryder then managed to get into the school somehow and he quietly walked through the corridors. He was terrified that he was going to bump into whoever it was that had a gun.  
He turned the corner and saw Hunter Clarrington standing there.  
Hunter turned around and grinned as he saw Ryder.  
"What are you doing here?" Ryder said to him.  
"I'm trying to get Blaine back to the Warblers and about poor Tina, well I never meant to shoot her. I only wanted to scare her in hopes that she would lead me to Blaine but she just went to the library." Hunter said to him. "Where is Blaine?"  
"I don't know. I only came in to try and find Jake and I don't even know where he is" Ryder replied.  
Hunter then pulled out a gun "I'll ask you one more time. Where is Blaine?"  
"Are you fucking deaf or stupid? Or are you deaf and stupid? I told you that I don't know where Blaine is. And by the way you're wasting your time trying to get Blaine back because he belongs here with the New Directions."  
"First of all never talk to me like that again and second of all, how do you know that Blaine even wants to be here with the stupid New Directions" Hunter said with a glare.  
"Blaine had a chance to join you before and if he'd wanted to be a part of the Warblers again he would have joined again when he had the chance. So why don't you go back to your stupid school and just get over the fact that Blaine doesn't want to be a Warbler" Ryder said to him, getting slightly annoyed.  
Hunter then frowned and glared at him again before he pointed the gun towards Ryder and pulled the trigger "That will teach you not to be rude to me" Hunter frowned as he then walked off.

Ryder's hands were on his stomach where the bullet hit him as he collapsed to the floor, slowly falling out of consciousness. Hopefully this would be over soon so someone would be able to help him. He wanted to call out for Jake or just for anyone but he didn't have the energy and if he did it wouldn't be very loud so he didn't think anyone would hear him.

After a long search from the police, they found no one but were going to try and find out who it was that had the gun. Mr Schue and the others were finally allowed out of the choir room.  
Jake then ran outside to try and find Ryder and he bumped into Kitty who he just pulled into a tight hug.  
"I'm glad you're alright" Jake said to her and then pulled away from the hug "Where's Ryder?" he asked her.  
Kitty's eyes then filled with tears "He went into the school to try and find you and he never came out again"  
"Shit" was Jake's reply as he then turned around and ran back into the school, shouting out Ryder's name. "Oh come on babe let me know where you are" Jake whispered.  
He then turned the corner and saw Ryder lying unconscious in a rather large pool of blood.  
He ran to him and placed his hand on his face "Ryder, wake up please wake up for me babe." He pleaded but when Ryder didn't even move he got out his phone and texted Kitty.  
_Call Ambulance. I need to keep an eye on Ryder. It looks bad so hurry! Please!_

It seemed like hours until the paramedics came along and carried Ryder gently onto the stretcher before taking him out to the ambulance. Jake just followed them, not really knowing what to do. If he lost Ryder then he had no idea what he would do.  
The paramedics put Ryder in the ambulance and Jake looked at one of them "Can I go with him?" he asked.  
"Are you a family member or anything?" the paramedic asked  
"No but I'm his boyfriend" Jake replied to which the paramedic just nodded and told him to that he could go in the ambulance with Ryder.  
Jake sat next to Ryder and took a hold of his hand "You have to be okay. You have to be" he whispered as he then kissed him.  
"I love you Ryder and I am not losing you. When I'm with you I feel like I'm the person I was meant to be. You are my everything. My whole world, my life and my soul mate. I can't be without you"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N;**** I apologise if the last chapter seemed a little rushed, I just wanted to get it finished and uploaded. I hope you guys like this chapter. Hopefully this chapter won't seem too rushed and I hope that everything makes sense in this chapter. If you like it then please let me know and don't be shy to sign in so I can reply to you, although if you want to criticise the story or tell me something that I have done wrong then I would appreciate it if you didn't review because I don't really want to know if you don't like the story and I don't really like it when people give me lists of things that I have done wrong. Anyways on to the next chapter now. I'll just start this one in the hospital because I can't be bothered with all the travelling to the hospital and stuff. And by the way sorry about the time-skip in the chapter, I just wasn't sure that I was writing and I didn't want to just drag it on and on so I time skipped. Sorry this chapter is a little short. I just couldn't think of what to write, I'm a little stuck with this story at the moment.**

Jake just sighed softly as he waited in the waiting room, doctors and nurses walking past him a few times but none of them were the doctor that he needed to see. The doctor that was checking Ryder over seemed to be taking way too long and he couldn't help but start to think something was bad. After what seemed like hours the doctor finally walked out of the room and Jake stood up.  
"Is he going to be alright? Please tell me that he's okay?" Jake said to him  
"The bullet pierced his spleen which means there is some internal bleeding and so we must operate but we need him to wake up first, because we are unable to give him the anaesthetic if he is not awake. We will do everything we can." The doctor smiled "You can go in and see him if you like" he then added before walking off again.

Jake walked into the room and walked over to Ryder before sitting down on the seat next to the bed taking a hold of his hand. He just sat there staring at him, tears filling his eyes. He wished that he could do something. He just wished he could help Ryder in some way.  
"You need to wake up so they can operate and help you out, you know that right? And besides I need you to wake up because I need you to be okay. I refuse to lose you Ryder Lynn because I can't lose you." He said to him as he then just sighed softly "You probably can't even hear anything I'm saying to you but I need to say how sorry I am. I'm sorry that I actually let this happen to you I shouldn't have let those teachers drag you away from me, I should have held tighter to your hand, because then you wouldn't have gone back into the school and you wouldn't have gotten shot. Fuck! It's all my fault."

Just hearing the beeping of the machines and nothing else made things so much more difficult because he didn't know what to say. All he wanted was for them to stop because he couldn't think and because he just needed Ryder to be alright.  
He then heard the door open and smiled when he saw Kitty standing there.  
"Do you want me to come back later?" Kitty asked Jake  
"No its okay, I'm kinda going insane being here on my own anyway" Jake replied  
Kitty then just smiled and sat down "Do you know anything? I mean is he going to be alright?" she asked.  
"Well if he wakes up there is a chance by the sounds of things" Jake replied  
"I'm sorry. Its my fault, I should never have let him back into the school" Kitty said as a single tear rolled down her face.  
"Kitty it's my fault. I shouldn't have let go of him. I should have kept hold of his hand and then I would have been outside with him or he would have been in the choir room with me" Jake said to her taking her hand and smiling slightly.  
The two of them then turned their heads to look at Ryder, just lying there not moving. His eyes stayed closed and his only movement was his chest rising and falling again with each breath.  
"I need to get some air. I'm going insane in here" Jake said before he stood up and then looked to Ryder "I'll be back soon babe, I promise you that" he whispered before he pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend's cheek and left the room.  
Once Jake had left Kitty took a hold of Ryder's hand. She felt tears rolling down her face. "You need to wake up you know that right? And besides I need you to wake up because I need you to be okay. I can't lose you, you're one of my best friends and Jake needs you. He needs you more than you'll ever know. You probably can't even hear anything I'm saying to you but I need to say how sorry I am. I'm sorry that I actually let this happen to you I shouldn't have let you go back into the school because then you wouldn't have gotten shot. It's all my fault. And for that I'm so sorry" she said to him as she then just sat there letting silent tears fall down her face.

Two days later, Ryder was still unconscious and so far wasn't making any signs of waking up. Once again Kitty was sitting next to him holding his hand. Jake had been there earlier but had to leave to go and get some sleep.  
Tina then walked into the room and frowned at Kitty.  
"Tina! Are you alright?" Kitty asked "I know you were shot that day too"  
"I'm fine. I saw Jake before when he was leaving the hospital to go home for some sleep. He's devastated you know. And it's all your fault. You could have stopped Ryder from going into that school but you didn't. Ryder could die and if he does it will be because of you" Tina said to her.  
Kitty just bit her lip as tears fell down her face "I never wanted this to happen. I know I should have tried to stop him but I didn't even think of trying"  
Tina then just glared "Why don't you just get out right now? You don't deserve to be here with him. You put him in here Kitty" Tina then shouted at her.  
Kitty then stood up and ran out in tears. Once Kitty had gone Tina looked to Ryder, maybe it was a little unfair to blame it all on Kitty but it was partly her fault because she didn't stop Ryder going back into the school. She sat down on the bed and took Ryder's hand.  
"I know we haven't talked much but you need to wake up you know. We all need you especially Jake. He's a mess you know. He thinks it's his fault." She told him.

After getting about an hour's sleep, Jake checked his phone and saw that he had a text from Puck. When he opened it, he smiled slightly to see it read _How you doing little bro? And how's Ryder? Hope everything goes alright. Text me or call me if you need me, yeah?  
_He then texted Puck back, asking him if they could meet up at the Lima Bean to talk properly and he felt slightly better when Puck texted back almost immediately to say that he'd be there as soon as possible.

Jake was only at the Lima Bean for about 5 minutes when Puck walked in and sat opposite Jake after getting a drink.  
"So how is he and how are you?" Puck asked  
Jake then just felt teas filling his eyes "He still hasn't woken up and he needs to wake up before they can operate" he then blinked back the tears "I'm scared that I'm going to lose him. I can't lose him. I just can't. I need him. When I think about not having him there with me, I just feel lost and scared that I'll never feel like this again"  
Puck then moved and sat next to Jake, putting an arm around him "He'll be fine. You are never going to be without him. Trust me Jake!" Puck said before pulling him into a hug.  
A few moments later Puck pulled away from the hug and smiled before drinking most of his drink all in one go "Come on. I'll drive you to the hospital. You need to talk to him." He smiled before standing up and pulling Jake out of the Lima Bean.

When they finally got to the hospital Puck told Jake to give him a text when he was ready to leave and if he wanted him to he would pick him up.  
Jake hardly remembered the walk from the car park to Ryder's room. He just sat down next to him, taking his hand. He was so glad that no one else was there.  
"Hey you, you have to wake up now baby. I can't do this anymore. I need you to open those beautiful eyes of yours. I need you Ryder. I can't lose you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before. I think about not having you around me and I feel so lost and scared that I will never feel like this again. I refuse to lose you Ryder, do you hear me? Wake up please. You have to be alright. You have to be." Jake said to him before kissing him on the lips softly. Ryder then squeezed Jake's hand slightly.  
"Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand again if you can hear me babe" Jake said to him and just smiled when Ryder gently squeezed his hand again. Jake then just kissed Ryder on the lips again. Jake then just sat there for ages just staring at Ryder.  
After what seemed like hours Ryder's eyes slowly opened and he smiled softly at Jake.  
"Hey gorgeous" Jake smiled as he then kissed him softly.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N;**** Okay here goes with Ryder's big operation. Will everything work out okay? You'll have to see. I am so glad that you guys seem to like this story. I must apologise if the gaps between uploading are really big but that is only because I have very limited internet access and I must apologise if this chapter is crap and any chapter after this. I am just starting to lose the muse for fanfiction writing but I don't want to give up. I would also like to apologise for the time-skip. I wasn't sure what else to write so I skipped. Oh and I would just like to add that since Ryder never said if he had any siblings, I am giving him a sister. **

Jake waited impatiently as the doctors operated on Ryder. He was terrified that something might go wrong because he knew that in situations like this, things could go wrong. He couldn't help but think that something was indeed going to go wrong. He jumped slightly as he felt a hand on his shoulder and smiled when he looked up and saw Marley.  
She sat down next to him and smiled "How is he?" she asked him.  
"Not sure, they're operating on him at the moment" Jake replied his face stricken with worry.  
Marley just smiled at him "Isn't that a good thing?" she asked "That he is in surgery?"  
"It might be. I don't know. You know how things can go wrong I surgery" Jake said to her "What if something happens? What if I lose him?" he asked.  
Marley just wrapped an arm around his shoulders "You won't lose him. I know you won't. They will help him and he will be out of this stupid place before you know it" she reassured him.  
Jake just sighed softly "I really just hope that you are right." He said as he rested his head on her shoulder.  
"You know Kitty blames herself and she is really upset, she keeps crying and saying that if anything happens then she will never forgive herself" Marley said with a small sigh.

After what seemed like hours a doctor came over and smiled at Jake before speaking.  
"He is back in the same room, he was before. He is still under the anaesthetic but he should wake up soon" he smiled.  
Jake instantly stood up and walked into the room and smiled before he sat next to Ryder's bedside.  
He took his hand and kissed his cheek, he really didn't know what to say to him because he was just so happy that he was alright.  
"Just open those eyes for me gorgeous. You need to open those eyes" he eventually said. He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there when Ryder opened his eyes.  
"Hey" Ryder whispered to Jake with a smile.  
Jake just grinned at Ryder "Hey beautiful" he said as he kissed him softly "How you feeling?"  
"Like total shit" Ryder said with a small laugh as a reply.  
Jake just smiled softly "You might feel like shit but you still look as gorgeous as ever" he laughed.  
Ryder just smiled slightly "Was anyone else hurt?" he asked.  
"Tina got shot in the leg but she's fine. And I don't think anyone else was hurt. Kitty thinks that this is her fault. Marley said that she keeps crying about it" Jake replied  
Ryder shook his head "No. No it isn't her fault. It's my own stupid fault. I shouldn't have run in there to find you. I knew that you would have been somewhere safe"

All of a sudden Brittany walked in and smiled "Hey Ryder" she whispered before she walked over to the bed and hugged Ryder before sitting on another seat next to him.  
"I came to the hospital because I got lost when I went to pick up Lord Tubbington from the vets and I knew you were in here so I thought I would come and see how you are" she smiled.  
Ryder just smiled back at her "Thanks Brittany. That means a lot. I'm fine. Just in a little bit of pain"  
Brittany just smiled at him "I was talking to a doctor outside and they told me that they took out part of your spleen and that if things go alright you should be out by tomorrow" she told him "but he said that you would have to take it easy and not do anything too strenuous for a few days at least"  
Ryder just smiled softly before looking to Jake who smiled back at him "You know I have no idea what I would have done if I had lost you"  
"Well you didn't lose me. You aren't getting rid of me that easy" Ryder laughed slightly.  
Brittany just stared at her feet for a few moments. She was rather confused. She didn't understand why there were no sick animals in this place. It was a place for the sick, yet there seemed to be no animals. "Am I in the way? I can leave if you guys want some time alone. I know Santana doesn't like people sitting near us when we have lady kisses"  
"You're alright Brittany. Stay here for a while if you want to" Ryder said to her.  
Brittany just smiled slightly as she then bit her lip before speaking "I'm really sorry about what happened. I know that none of it was my fault but I'm sorry that this happened to you" she said as tears filled her eyes.  
"Brittany please don't be sorry and don't cry" Ryder said to her taking her hand.  
Brittany held onto Ryder's hand and smiled softly at him as she brushed the tears away from her eyes.

Pretty soon Ryder began to fall asleep so Brittany said her goodbyes to him and Jake before she left. Jake kept a hold of Ryder's hand and kissed him softly "Want me to stay here until you fall asleep?" he asked and when Ryder nodded he just smiled and brought Ryder's hand to his lips and kissed it "Okay babe. I'll stay here until you fall asleep"  
Before he knew it Jake had been woken up by someone, telling him that he would have to leave for the night and that he could come back first thing in the morning to pick Ryder up.  
Although he didn't want to leave Ryder, Jake knew that he had to.

Since Jake couldn't sleep, it seemed like morning had come a lot later than usual. As soon as it was time for him to be allowed to go and see Ryder he was out of the door and on his way to the hospital. When Jake got to the hospital and walked into Ryder's room he smiled as he saw Ryder's mother in there with him.  
"Hello Jake, sweetheart. Would you like to come over to our house for a while, since you came all this way and we're just leaving now" Mrs Lynn smiled.  
Jake smiled at her "Yeah, thanks." He grinned at Ryder who just smiled back at him.

They soon got back to Ryder's house and as soon as they had gotten through the door, Ryder pulled Jake upstairs and into his bedroom. Ryder kissed Jake and pushed the door shut as he then pinned Jake against it and kissed him again.  
Jake kissed Ryder back for a few moments before he pulled away "Does your mom know about us?" he asked.  
Ryder bit his lip "Well I told her I had a boyfriend but I haven't told her it's you" he smiled slightly.  
Jake just rolled his eyes and laughed slightly before kissing Ryder again. This time Ryder took Jake's hands and backed up against the bed. He lay back and pulled Jake on top of him as he carried on kissing him.  
Ryder closed his eyes and moaned slightly as Jake moved the kisses to Ryder's neck. Ryder then ran his hands up Jake's back, underneath his t-shirt.

Jake then sat up and gently pulled Ryder to a sitting position and kissed him softly before he then tugged at the bottom of his t-shirt. Ryder just bit his lip and raised his arms and Jake took off his t-shirt. When his t-shirt had been thrown on the floor Ryder then took off Jake's and threw it on the floor before he lay back again and pulled Jake down. Ryder ran his hands up and down Jake's back as the two of them once again began to kiss. Jake's hands were all over Ryder's torso as the kissing got a lot more heated. Jake's hands then moved down to Ryder's trousers and he began to undo them.  
"Jake don't! Remember what the hospital said? I can't do anything too strenuous for a few days at least" Ryder said to him  
Jake looked up at his boyfriend and smiled softly at him "So?"  
"So that means we can't have sex, because sex counts as being strenuous" Ryder answered.  
"Who said anything about sex?" Jake said to him with a small smile which then turned into a grin.  
"Jake, don't. I don't know if I want to do anything like that just yet. I've never had sex or done anything like that before and I want my first time to be perfect" Ryder said to him which made Jake nod his head.  
"Ok, I don't want you doing anything you don't want to. When you're ready, so am I" he smiled as he then moved and just lay next to Ryder and took his hand.

Ryder then got up and picked up his t-shirt and Jake's as he heard a knock on the door. He threw Jake his t-shirt and put on his own t-shirt. The door opened as Jake got his top back on and in walked in Ryder's mother.  
"Since you both just walked straight up here while I was putting the dishes away, I didn't get the chance to ask if you're feeling alright Ryder sweetheart" Mrs Lynn said with a smile  
"I'm fine. Honestly" Ryder smiled back at his mother.  
Mrs Lynn then smiled and turned to Jake "Stay here as long as you want ok? Stay the night if you want to. I really don't mind you staying over" she said to him  
"Thanks Mrs Lynn" Jake smiled at her.  
"Oh please call me, Maria" Mrs Lynn laughed as she then turned to leave "You let me know if you boys need anything" she added before leaving the room and shutting the door.  
"Are you gonna stay the night?" Ryder asked him  
Jake just smiled at him "If you want me to" he said to him and just grinned when Ryder nodded his head. "Ok, let me just ring my mom and let her know." He then got his phone out of his pocket and rung home. When it went to the answering machine Jake just rolled his eyes "Hi, mom. It's me, just letting you know that I'm at Ryder's and I'm staying the night. See you tomorrow" he said before hanging up.

"What do you wanna do now?" Ryder asked as he sat on his bed  
Jake then just sat next to him "I dunno, we could see if there is anything on TV and we could just watch TV and lie in bed together" he said to him.  
Ryder smiled softly and nodded "That sounds like a plan but what if there is crap on TV?"  
Jake thought for a moment "Well, then we could make out in your bed"  
"That sounds like a good plan too." Ryder grinned before kissing Jake softly.  
Ryder turned on the TV and flicked through the channels.  
"Woah, stop go back two channels, babe" Jake exclaimed "You just flicked over the best program ever"  
Ryder did as he was told "Pokémon? Seriously how old are you? Five?"  
"Pokémon is the bomb, its like awsome" Jake answered with a laugh  
Ryder just grinned at him "God I love you Jake Puckerman" he laughed as the two of them then stripped to their boxers and got into Ryder's bed and watched Pokémon, cuddling up next to one another.  
"Oh crap. Not this episode" Jake sighed softly  
"Which one is it?" Ryder asked him, rather confused  
"Pikachu's Goodbye! The one where Pikachu leaves" Jake replied  
Ryder then just smiled at Jake before watching Pokémon.  
When the episode ended Ryder looked to Jake and just laughed "Oh my God. Were you crying?" he asked, when Jake didn't say anything Ryder just grinned and hugged him "You are adorable"  
"Dude how can you not cry at that episode? Ash almost freakin' left Pikachu. If you don't cry at that episode then you have no heart" Jake said to him as he hugged Ryder back.  
"You surprise me sometimes you know that?" Ryder grinned at him  
"How?" Jake asked slightly confused  
"Never had you down for the soft guy type, you always have up this cool exterior and I guess seeing you get upset over an episode of Pokémon is just the cutest thing ever."  
That comment made Jake raise an eyebrow and look at him with mock anger "Okay you did not just call me cute. Adorable I can live with but cute…no way!" he said to him.  
Ryder just bit his lip before grinning at Jake "But you are cute"  
Jake then just sighed slightly before he turned off the TV, threw the remote on the floor and climbed on top of Ryder.

Jake's hand trailed down Ryder's chest as the two of them kissed. Ryder then gasped when Jake's hand slipped under his boxers. Jake then brushed his fingers against Ryder's cock before grabbing it.  
Ryder then just dug his fingernails into Jake's back and groaned slightly at Jake's touch.  
When he heard Ryder's groan Jake just smiled as he then began kissing Ryder's neck before slowly trailing the kisses down his chest and slowly got lower and lower. He then pulled down Ryder's boxers and carried on kissing down and down and when he got down to his cock, he took it in his mouth.  
The feeling of Jake's mouth around his cock made Ryder groan again and close his eyes.  
Ryder's door then opened but neither of the boys noticed it.  
"Holy crap! God! I really don't want to be seeing that" came a voice which made Jake and Ryder jump. Jake sat up and Ryder pulled his boxer back up and looked to the owner of the voice. It was his sister, Riley.  
Ryder sat up and looked at her "Riley, I didn't even think you were home. I never heard you come in"  
"Apparently not." Riley replied as she scrunched her nose up slightly. She then rolled her eyes "I mean if you had heard me knock you would have told me to wait a moment and then I wouldn't have come in to that." She laughed ever so slightly.  
Ryder looked to the floor "Sorry. I know that really wasn't something you wanted to see" Ryder laughed.  
"Exactly. I mean I never wanted to walk into my little brother's room and find some random guy, that I've never met, giving him a blowjob" Riley said to him with a small laugh.  
Ryder just smiled before he looked to Jake "Oh yeah, sorry. This is Jake" he said to his sister.  
Riley smiled at Jake "Hi Jake. Obviously I'm Ryder's sister. I'm Riley. Nice to meet you" she said to him "If you ever break up with my brother then let me know" she said with a wink.  
"Really Riley? Do you have to flirt with my boyfriend?" Ryder asked her  
Riley just looked at Ryder and raised an eyebrow "Oh please Ryder. I always flirt. Just because this hot piece of mancandy is you boyfriend that doesn't mean he's going to be any exception" Riley smiled as she then grinned. "Anyway. I completely forgot what I came in for so carry on with the blowjobbing or whatever" she added before walking out of the room again.


End file.
